Around Valentine\u2019s Day, I ponder the various ways we use \u201clove\u201d in our language. The love language on this day isn\u2019t so much about helping others or denying ourselves. But what <\/em>exactly is the love language and meanings appropriate for Valentine’s Day?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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<\/a>Sex and Romance<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
I typically hear \u201clove\u201d used in two ways on Valentine\u2019s Day. Sometimes the word refers simply to romance and sex. A red heart is a symbol of this love language.
If we reflect a bit, however, we\u2019ll realize that sex and romance are sometimes healthy, but other times not. Sexual activity can be self-centered, exploitive, abusive, or creepy. Perverts lust, they don\u2019t love. Even romantics can become so obsessed that they harm themselves, their object of obsession, and others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If love has something to do with positivity and flourishing, sexual exploitation and romantic creepiness aren\u2019t expressions of love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Altruism and Agape<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
The second love language I hear on Valentine\u2019s reacts against the first. \u201cLove isn\u2019t about sex and romance,\u201d say some, \u201cit\u2019s about altruism and helping the needy.\u201d Love is more than altruism and agape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I think the most helpful way to understand love says it aims to promote well-being… in a wide variety of ways. Love is pluriform.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some of my friends distinguish between \u201cnatural\u201d and \u201csupernatural\u201d loves. To them, God is the source of the supernatural; evolution is the source of the natural. This approach creates sharp distinctions between sacred and secular, creation and evolution. I don\u2019t find it helpful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I think God is the source of all <\/em>love. \u201cWe love, because God first loves us,\u201d as the Apostle John put it. And if all creaturely love comes from God and promotes well-being, the natural\/supernatural distinction blurs. Evolutionary love can be part of God\u2019s creating and creaturely response.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m not sure if amoeba love. Maybe they do, I don\u2019t know. But having grown up on a farm and having spent much <\/em>time hiking in nature, I\u2019m convinced many animals love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m impressed, for instance, in how mother birds and mother bears nourish and protect their young. I\u2019m inspired by the group altruism of bees and wolves. I\u2019ve seen dogs befriend horses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Love is wider and wilder than many humans imagine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If love promotes well-being, romance and sex on Valentine\u2019s Day can be actions of love\u2026 if we do them intending to do good in some way. This Valentine\u2019s Day, I encourage you to send cards, flowers, and gifts. Flash a heart sign, if you feel like. Splash \u201cI Love You\u201d across the sky. Be intimate with that special someone, and take pleasure in them. I think about love every day. As a Christian, l think love is the center of who God is and what God calls of me and others. As I see it, Jesus reveals love most fully. I also think love is pluriform. It\u2019s not just helping the helpless, as important as that is. It\u2019s not just […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[25,80,99,491,661,947,7134,7135],"yst_prominent_words":[1451,1734,1901,2031,2508,2725,3668,3745,3746,3752,3753,3754,5388],"class_list":["post-6360","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love_and_altruism","tag-love","tag-agape","tag-well-being","tag-altruism","tag-science-of-love","tag-valentines-day","tag-valentine","tag-love-relationship"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thomasjayoord.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6360","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thomasjayoord.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thomasjayoord.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thomasjayoord.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thomasjayoord.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6360"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thomasjayoord.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6360\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thomasjayoord.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6360"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thomasjayoord.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6360"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thomasjayoord.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6360"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thomasjayoord.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=6360"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
Love helps the poor, shows compassion to sufferers, or makes friends of enemies, says this approach.\u00a0True<\/em> love is agape, say some, to use a prominent Greek love word in the New Testament.
This use of \u201clove\u201d has its place. But it seems largely out of place on Valentine\u2019s Day. It fails to describe love as attraction, mutuality, pleasure, or delight. Those who insist on love as only <\/em>agape can be killjoys!
When my wife and I celebrate Valentine\u2019s Day, we\u2019re not expressing compassion for each other as those who suffer. My wife is neither a victim nor my enemy. And I don\u2019t say to myself, \u201cI guess I\u2019m going to show self-sacrificial love and force myself to delight in what I find attractive, winsome, and beautiful about my wife.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nLove and Well-Being<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Scholars use various synonyms for \u201cwell-being.\u201d They speak of blessedness, flourishing, abundant life, wholeness, genuine happiness, shalom<\/em>, or the good life.
So understood, love can involve promoting what\u2019s good in our physical, mental, social, environmental, and even spiritual dimensions. But it can also involve good romance and sex. Love helps those who need help but also delights in affection, pleasure, and companionship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/a>From Where Does Love Come?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Love on Valentine\u2019s Day<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
When we send cards, flowers, or gifts with only our own happiness in mind, we aren\u2019t loving. If we act only for our own pleasure and intend to injure others, we should not call this action \u201cloving.\u201d
On Valentine\u2019s Day, we typically focus on the well-being of two people in relationship. That\u2019s appropriate. To love well, the two must consider how their actions affect the wider society too. Love considers the common good, not just what\u2019s good for a few.<\/p>\n\n\n\nLess<\/strong> Confusing<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
But remember love wants what is healthy and positive. Love wants good when romantic flames burn brightly, flicker faintly, or reduce to ashes.
When well-being is the goal, Valentine\u2019s love language is less confusing.
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"