Exemplars are unique and they don’t become exemplars overnight. They are proof of the old saying, practice makes perfect.
Defining love is important. Without a clear definition like one I provided in my first blog in this series, we will be unclear about the general ethics we should expect from Christians who seek to fulfill Jesus’ commands to love God and others as themselves. We will spin our wheels and talk past one another, all the while using unrelated languages of love.
It’s hard to overemphasize how important it is to define love clearly.
Having a clear definition of love, however, does not explain how and why some people develop into persons we call “virtuous.” We all recognize that some people love more consistently and even form a character or general disposition we consider to embody love on a regular basis.
If love is an intentional act done in response to God and others to promote overall well-being, we need to determine why some people love more consistently than others do. After all, most humans – and especially Christians – want to become loving people.
Imitation is the Highest Form of Flattery
Righteous people frequently express love and thereby develop habits of love. Repetitive proper responses to love shape a person over the course of time. Successive moments and ongoing histories of love shape people in ways that change their character in positive ways.
When we repeatedly respond to promote overall well-being, love becomes a habit. We rightly deem people who habitually love “loving people.” They are “new creatures” who go about doing good (2 Cor. 5:17).
The key to developing into a person with a loving character – an exemplar – is frequent intentional responses to promote well-being.
We can think of instances in which a person who normally does not love will uncharacteristically choose to express love. Sometimes, a single act of love from someone who normally does not act lovingly might even be a heroic act.
Gran Torino
In Clint Eastwood’s 2009 movie, Gran Torino, we meet an ornery and cantankerous old cuss who typically acts indifferent or even hostile to his neighbors. He often acts selfishly, acting apparently only for his own convenience.
Occasionally, however, the old codger acts heroically by promoting another person’s well-being. He rescues those in grave danger, for instance. The movie concludes with the old man giving his life to benefit a neighbor for whom he had earlier seemed to care little.
We rightfully admire those like the hero of Gran Torino who act heroically in an instant of love. But our admiration is usually greater for those who repeatedly express love. Repeat lovers serve as examples – exemplars – of steadfast love.
The occasional heroic self-sacrifice makes headlines. But we mostly wish our neighbors in the world would engage in more mundane forms of love. We’d like them to speak kindly to us, take out their trash, treat their children and spouses well, give to the poor, and be patient.
We rightly admire people who love on a day-to-day, moment-by-moment basis.
Practice Makes Perfect
In one sense, love exemplars are experts in love. The nearly one-thousand-page Cambridge Handbook of Expertise and Expert Performance concludes that experts in any number of activities are people who have 1) the desire to perform that activity and 2) practice that activity often.
In the case of love, continual practice of love and the desire to show love in both usual and unusual ways is part of what distinguishes moral exemplars from others. Love experts express love in both ordinary and extraordinary ways.
Ideal exemplars love consistently and can rise to the challenge of heroic love. At our best, we want to imitate them. Put in terms of Christianity, we might say Christians want to love like Jesus as they develop lives of love.
Jesus loved heroically sometimes, not the least of which was his death on the cross. But more mundane forms of love also characterized Jesus’ life. He developed friendships, taught individuals and crowds, healed others, spent time with children, prayed, gave a drink of water to the thirsty, celebrated at parties, forgave sinners, and attended weddings.
For Christians, Jesus is the ideal exemplar.
Community Matters
Christians also often say their relationships alongside other believers – those who comprise the Church – profoundly affect their love. Together, Christians can be “taught by God to love one another” (1 Thess. 4:9), and Christians “abound” in love for each other (1 Thess. 4:10; Phil. 1:9). In a healthy community of Christ-followers, love for fellow Christians includes “brotherly affection” (Rm. 12:10a).
In the context of the Church, believers can learn to love their enemies and themselves. Exemplars in the church are living examples of how to care for adversaries who hate us and care for our own bodies when we hate ourselves.
Following the example of Jesus and living in community with others who follow Jesus’ example helps Christians develop a Christ-like character. The life of love has both personal and corporate dimensions. Virtuous Christians are those who, “above all, put on love” (Col. 3:14).
The Christian exemplar loves in any particular moment. Consistent expressions of love form various patterns of life. These patterns become habits. Habitual love develops into a loving character. Those whose characters are distinguished by repeated love are regarded as loving people.
We rightly regard loving people – in the Christian tradition – as saints. In the midst of more mundane expressions of love, saints occasionally express heroic acts of love which we regard as supererogatory – acts that go the extra mile (Mt. 5:41).
At their best, then, Christians heed the Apostle Paul’s command: “Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Cor. 16:14). In doing so, they become people with dispositions and ingrained inclinations to love.
In the next and final conclusion of this blog series, I look the influence of the brain on love and exemplarity. In particular, I explore the provocative question, “What Would Jesus Brain Look Like?” Maybe I’ll put on a WWJBLL t-shirt when I post it!