Gloria M. Coffin – Queer Ally and Uncontrolling Love Advocate Dies

My friend and fellow schemer Gloria Coffin died unexpectedly a few days ago. She was one of the most energetic and quickest thinkers I’ve ever known. She could also be feisty, which I especially liked!

Since hearing of her death, I’ve been scanning hundreds and hundreds of notes we’ve sent to one another over the years. It’s remarkable that two people who only met once in person (for a very long talk) could become so close through correspondence.

Although there were many aspects to our friendship, two stand above the others. She was an LGBTQ+ ally and an advocate for the idea that God’s love is uncontrolling.

QUEER AFFIRMING

First, Gloria was and has been a long-time advocate for queer people. She and I were members of the Church of the Nazarene, which meant we both worked to see the denomination become fully affirming.

Gloria was a confidante during the many years I tried to make changes in the Nazarene family. We often strategized on how to be the most effective. And we offered one another comfort when our efforts were unsuccessful. She was tenacious in her advocacy for change!

Gloria contributed an essay to the controversial book Why the Church of the Nazarene Should be Fully LGBTQ+ Affirming. It was cleverly titled, “To Love or Not to Love: That is the Nazarene Question.” She concludes the essay with these rhetorical questions:

If our church rejects us because we will not be silent, is she really the church we thought she was? Worse yet, if we want our church to accept us so much we decide not to treat LGBTQ+ neighbors the way we want to be treated, what will we have done to reflect God?

Even before writing these words, Gloria faced discipline from various denominational leaders. After its publication, she endured more. But as her essay indicates, she believed (as do I) that love requires us to affirm queer people fully, in the sense of accepting queer identities, orientations, attractions, and healthy sexual behaviors.

OPEN AND RELATIONAL THEOLOGY

The second major aspect of our friendship was our shared appreciation for open and relational theology. I formally introduced this theology to her, but she has been intuiting many of its ideas for some time. She joined the Center for Open and Relational Theology, and she participated in various ways.

My 2015 book The Uncontrolling Love of God was a game-changer for Gloria. She ended up being part of an editorial team that produced a massive collection of essays on this book. It’s called Uncontrolling Love, and her essay explored my ideas in relation to dreams. Near the end of the essay, she wrote,

I am convinced dream stories confirm God’s transfer of information in the peaceful darkened rooms in our minds, where we have designated space and undistracted time to listen. What could be more miraculous than a message from God preparing us to work together for good?

Gloria served as a vocal member of a team strategizing how to best inform the masses that God is both loving and uncontrolling.

Gloria urged me to make my academic work accessible to a wide audience. That advice prompted me to write God Can’t: How to Believe in God and Love After Tragedy, Abuse, and Other Evils. She loved that book, and she told me she recommended it often to friends and clients.

HER LEGACY LIVES ON

Gloria’s last Facebook post appropriately points to a major reason I liked her. She didn’t know these would be her last public words, but they are fitting:

I like weird people. The black sheep. The eight balls. The left of centers. The wall flowers. The underdog. The loners. The rejects. The outcasts. The outsiders. The odd ducks. The eccentric. The broken. The lonely. The lost and the forgotten.

We all leave legacies. Gloria has left a beautiful one. I will not only remember her quick thinking and passion but also the various projects and planning we did together.

I join Gloria Coffin’s family and friends in mourning. And I firmly believe she leaves a legacy of love!