Love, Exemplars, and Brain Structure II
Exemplars are unique and they don’t become exemplars overnight. They are proof of the old saying, practice makes perfect.
Defining love is important. Without a clear definition like one I provided in my first blog in this series, we will be unclear about the general ethics we should expect from Christians who seek to fulfill Jesus’ commands to love God and others as themselves. We will spin our wheels and talk past one another, all the while using unrelated languages of love.
It’s hard to overemphasize how important it is to define love clearly.
Having a clear definition of love, however, does not explain how and why some people develop into persons we call “virtuous.” We all recognize that some people love more consistently and even form a character or general disposition we consider to embody love on a regular basis.
If love is an intentional act done in response to God and others to promote overall well-being, we need to determine why some people love more consistently than others do. After all, most humans – and especially Christians – want to become loving people.
Imitation is the Highest Form of Flattery
Righteous people frequently express love and thereby develop habits of love. Repetitive proper responses to love shape a person over the course of time. Successive moments and ongoing histories of love shape people in ways that change their character in positive ways.
When we repeatedly respond to promote overall well-being, love becomes a habit. We rightly deem people who habitually love “loving people.” They are “new creatures” who go about doing good (2 Cor. 5:17).
The key to developing into a person with a loving character – an exemplar – is frequent intentional responses to promote well-being.
We can think of instances in which a person who normally does not love will uncharacteristically choose to express love. Sometimes, a single act of love from someone who normally does not act lovingly might even be a heroic act.
Gran Torino
In Clint Eastwood’s 2009 movie, Gran Torino, we meet an ornery and cantankerous old cuss who typically acts indifferent or even hostile to his neighbors. He often acts selfishly, acting apparently only for his own convenience.
Occasionally, however, the old codger acts heroically by promoting another person’s well-being. He rescues those in grave danger, for instance. The movie concludes with the old man giving his life to benefit a neighbor for whom he had earlier seemed to care little.
We rightfully admire those like the hero of Gran Torino who act heroically in an instant of love. But our admiration is usually greater for those who repeatedly express love. Repeat lovers serve as examples – exemplars – of steadfast love.
The occasional heroic self-sacrifice makes headlines. But we mostly wish our neighbors in the world would engage in more mundane forms of love. We’d like them to speak kindly to us, take out their trash, treat their children and spouses well, give to the poor, and be patient.
We rightly admire people who love on a day-to-day, moment-by-moment basis.
Practice Makes Perfect
In one sense, love exemplars are experts in love. The nearly one-thousand-page Cambridge Handbook of Expertise and Expert Performance concludes that experts in any number of activities are people who have 1) the desire to perform that activity and 2) practice that activity often.
In the case of love, continual practice of love and the desire to show love in both usual and unusual ways is part of what distinguishes moral exemplars from others. Love experts express love in both ordinary and extraordinary ways.
Ideal exemplars love consistently and can rise to the challenge of heroic love. At our best, we want to imitate them. Put in terms of Christianity, we might say Christians want to love like Jesus as they develop lives of love.
Jesus loved heroically sometimes, not the least of which was his death on the cross. But more mundane forms of love also characterized Jesus’ life. He developed friendships, taught individuals and crowds, healed others, spent time with children, prayed, gave a drink of water to the thirsty, celebrated at parties, forgave sinners, and attended weddings.
For Christians, Jesus is the ideal exemplar.
Community Matters
Christians also often say their relationships alongside other believers – those who comprise the Church – profoundly affect their love. Together, Christians can be “taught by God to love one another” (1 Thess. 4:9), and Christians “abound” in love for each other (1 Thess. 4:10; Phil. 1:9). In a healthy community of Christ-followers, love for fellow Christians includes “brotherly affection” (Rm. 12:10a).
In the context of the Church, believers can learn to love their enemies and themselves. Exemplars in the church are living examples of how to care for adversaries who hate us and care for our own bodies when we hate ourselves.
Following the example of Jesus and living in community with others who follow Jesus’ example helps Christians develop a Christ-like character. The life of love has both personal and corporate dimensions. Virtuous Christians are those who, “above all, put on love” (Col. 3:14).
The Christian exemplar loves in any particular moment. Consistent expressions of love form various patterns of life. These patterns become habits. Habitual love develops into a loving character. Those whose characters are distinguished by repeated love are regarded as loving people.
We rightly regard loving people – in the Christian tradition – as saints. In the midst of more mundane expressions of love, saints occasionally express heroic acts of love which we regard as supererogatory – acts that go the extra mile (Mt. 5:41).
At their best, then, Christians heed the Apostle Paul’s command: “Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Cor. 16:14). In doing so, they become people with dispositions and ingrained inclinations to love.
In the next and final conclusion of this blog series, I look the influence of the brain on love and exemplarity. In particular, I explore the provocative question, “What Would Jesus Brain Look Like?” Maybe I’ll put on a WWJBLL t-shirt when I post it!
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Comments
Thanks, Dr. Oord. I never saw the connection between having a robust and comprehesive definition of love and the practice of acting in a loving way weather we are saints or just normal people.
I do wonder if the constant act of doing love that then becomes a habit can be erased by doing something un-loving in malice intent. Even with forgiveness can a murderer become a saint?
Very good! I hope you don’t mind but might use some of this, in idea at the very least, in my sermon n sacrificial praise, the praise God is really looking for. I believe that praise to be love, for to act intentionally in response to another for overall and there well being we must put away self, much like Jesus did at the cross.
Thank you for this piece.
I really like the idea of the idea that we need to love consistently. Being a christian I think it is our responsibility to love others consistently because that is what God has called us to do. I think that is where the Church has failed sometimes by not loving everyone consistently. We must love not only the easy to love, but the hard to love as well.
I really like and agree with the idea that we need to love consistently, especially as Christians. We are called to love, that is our mission in life. Sure, being heroic is cool and people remember it, but I think that the fame in that only lasts for a moment. Constantly showing love, that lasts forever.
I to agree with what you have stated in your blog, love takes practice. I believe we have strong points in love and weaknesses. An example would be, those that are great at listening but are not very patient. Through time and experiences we can grow and become stronger in our weaknesses if we choose to. I love the example of Jesus Christ as you mentioned because it demonstrates what we can do in our day today. We obviously cannot perform huge miracles but that wasn’t all Jesus was about. Jesus served those that were rejected. We need to emulate Jesus’ love and go out there and love those whom society deems unfit for love, and practice until we get it right.
Love is hard to define, but there does seem to be a difference between people who love in more consistent ways and people who don’t love in consistent ways. I liked the Wittgenstein language game allusion. We often talk past each other when talking about lots of things. Love is certainly one of them. Lastly when learning to love, the brain and practicing love plays an important role in develop in habits of love.
I agree about the point you made that “Christians want to love like Jesus as they develop lives of love.” Learning to love by example is important. Today, the process of learning by example is nowhere more evident then with parents raising their children. It is the same process we see behind imitating Christ’s example in all that we do. It is why God’s greatest commandant to us says what it does. If we are being obedient unto God, then loving as Jesus loved will be the natural outflow of that.
I believe people are made generally good, and that we are driven to maintain this “goodness”. When we break community with others and live solely for ourselves we start draining ourselves of love, and maintaining that is a lot easier than building love back up. When Dr. Oord expressed that love falls under practice makes perfect I fully agree because love isn’t simply a switch that is turned on when we choose. If we live a life practicing acts of love and compassion we more likely to respond with love and compassion.
Love takes on many forms and it is shown by those who express it to one another. Showing love is not always the easiest thing to do because of human nature we sometimes would chose to hate our enemy than love them. So the practicing of love becomes a very important aspect of a Christians life because we are called to love like Jesus loves, be perfect like God is perfect. Another aspect that Dr. Oord points out is that community is very important to the experience of love. If one is living alone and does not engage in community he or she does not experience or show love to anyone. But if people or Christians come together and interact with one another then they can get better at loving each other and show it.
Those who tend to be more loving also seem to be more aware of the needs in society. Their eyes are open to the problems around them and are conscience of the things they can do to make a difference. Even in Gran Torino, after the “old cuss” does his one act of kindness, he seems more conscience of the problems that his neighbors and the other people in the neighborhood.
I think the idea of love being a positive part of our character rings true. As our intentional acts show love it causes us to seem even slightly better. If I see someone stop on their way home to help a frail, elderly woman cross the street, I’ll judge their character more positively than someone would would pass up the older woman to get wherever they need to go.
This idea of love impacting our character goes along with making “perfect” choices, and working our way towards sainthood. If we make poor choices it reflects poorly on our character too.
I agree with many points you make in this post and find it intriguing. I like your wording and idea of “repeat lover”. I would say from personal experience that this is very true. I find it much easier to love long term the person that is a repeat lover rather than the instant lover. The best example here is the one you gave about Jesus. He was always loving to everyone no matter the circumstances. He is the best exemplar of a repeat lover. I hope to be able to emulate Jesus’ love throughout my life and be an example for those around me.
I agree that in order to become a loving person, we need to consciously practice acts of kindness motivated by our love. Living and actively practicing our faith, which should be a faith of love in its various forms, should be a priority in our lives. I also agree that consistency in practicing love is more admirable than occasionally “being a hero.” It should be a lifestyle, not something you try on when it’s convenient.
Practice makes perfect is a complete lie. When you practice it isn’t just going through the motions but going through the correct motions. So the phrase should be perfect practice makes perfect. This is not saying you have to be perfect in everything but that you push yourself to be better than you were before you started. This is the same as being a loving Christian. You hope that everyday you lay your head down at night to sleep you know you were able to love better than the day before, but also knowing that if you mess up one day the sun will still raise the next bringing new opportunities to be perfect and to grow in love. That is what we are to be called to practice. Perfect practice makes perfect.
I think that people who constantly do acts of love need more recognition than those who rarely do. Like your Gran Torino example, it seems to be that those who show love contrary to their character are portrayed as more heroic and loving than those who have those virtues naturally in their character. It goes to point out that we must do more than just a few acts of love every once in a while. Sure, these acts are loving, but I doubt that these acts change a person’s character since they happen so infrequently.
I love the example you give in Gran Torino… But earlier in the blog you say, “If love is an intentional act done in response to God and others to promote overall well-being, we need to determine why some people love more consistently than others do.” In Gran Torino, Clint Eastwood’s character often acts in selfish and only does things at his own convenience. In the end, the old man gives his life to benefit his neighbor… Doing this heroic act is very cool and people definitely remember it, but that fame is something that only lasts so long. As Christians we are called upon to love and I completely agree with the fact that we need to love constantly. If we love constantly, and show our love of well-being for others, I think that is what lasts forever in the minds of other people!
• I think that you cannot have faith without at least two people coming together in acts of love and communion with one another. I agree with you that we need to learn from one another and learn what it looks like to be Christ-like…and that take genuine communication with others. When we are alone in our thoughts the devil does tricks on our minds, but when we are as a “church of believers” we are stronger and can learn from one another and think about Jesus’ love in ways that we may have not thought on our own.
Love is definitely something to be practiced in order to make it perfect, perfect through and through. Jesus is no doubt the exemplar for Christians to follow, especially when it comes to loving God and neighbor. In the latest developments in Neuroscience, any habitual thought or action ‘paves’ a path in our brain and with repetition the activity eventually becomes second nature (i.e. addiction, daily routines, etc.). In a way that activity is making a ‘groove’ in our neuronetwork, like skies in snow. This is analogous to loving activities, either in action or thought (meditation). The more you do these types of things the more our characters our formed. The Church plays a vital role in this process. The Body of Christ is filled with people who ought to help other members of the body to accomplish “sainthood” as supported by the passages referenced in the blog. But, loving in this way CANNOT be exclusive. This is a purpose all Christians share to share with all creatures. Love is relational and cannot be isolated. Everyone knows somebody who is not a Christian and we ought to love them all the same. Paul says let all things we do be done so with love. Great blog post!
I am a fan of a good definition of love. If you asked me what my definition of love was, I would not be able to give you a clear and thought out response. I think that if an individual has a clear definition of love they can better enact that specific version of it into the people they encounter. If someones definition of love was heavily based around feeding the poor and needy than there would be a good chance that if they were showing love in their community the poor would not be going hungry. Since my definition of love is not set in place, I am not displaying a certain type of love for all to see and this is an area in my life that I look forward to grow and develop in.
I do not fully agree with the idea that “practice makes perfect”, due to the limited ability human beings have, I personally believe that we are not capable of perfect love (again, definition matters here). Nevertheless, I agree that practicing love enables people to love better. And I personally find more transformative power in the process of practicing love comparing to the concrete result of love. And I do agree that community is important when it comes to love, if there is no community, it would be funny to even think about “overall well-being”. For this reason, I agree that community is the foundation of love, even with the possibility of self-love.
The saying ‘offense sells tickets but defense wins championships’ ran through my head in terms of the Grand Torino example. Its true that these big acts of love gain more attention then someone who is loving at all times. There are people close to me who do these ‘big acts’ and are celebrated and portrayed as an incredibly loving person but do not extend that same love into the mundane aspects of their lives. Often we are too worried about people seeing the grandness of how we are working to save the world rather than stopping and loving the person were trying to impress.
Mundane love is the kind of love that gets things done. Grand acts require huge amounts of motivation and can often be done for very wrong reasons. Mundane love isn’t done for the wrong reason… because there really aren’t any. If I choose to love in a situation where nobody sees me do it, nobody will find out that I did it, and I myself don’t tell anyone… what other motivation could there be than to love? I suppose one could be doing ‘loving’ acts out of guilt… however that is an entirely different topic.
One of the things that came to mind when I was reading this and other people’s responses was the joy that people find in performing acts of love. People who usually perform the “heroic” act of love every once in a blue moon obviously get joy, but most of their life is probably spent in selfish acts that benefit only their well being. People who perform acts of love continually day in and day out of selfless character seem to be more joyful and happy. They don’t have to go far out of the way in order to perform these acts either, but instead they do little things that don’t take much time at all and those little things could possibly affect someone’s life more greater than any big act.
While reading this, I thought of the role of the Holy Spirit. I think that the Holy Spirit is a key component in the lives of Christians when making decisions. The Holy Spirit guides our thoughts and actions, and I believe that through our actions, we can either make the Holy Spirit more prevalent or suppressed. The more we say no to doing what is right, the more that still, small voice becomes smaller and smaller, until we no longer hear it. On the contrary, the more we say yes to it, the more readily we are to listen for it and seek what He has to say.
Love is something that we all have to at. I appreciated the use of “Gran Torino” for this is a movie that really made me think about loving your enemies. As humans we know what the right thing to do is but we aren’t always willing to do what it takes. In this movie if it weren’t for the persistence of the younger generation, there wouldn’t have been agent of change. I want to believe that I would be the young lady in the movie, forcing my grumpy neighbor into a loving position. I want to be that agent of love and change, but I don’t know if I would really be able too.
The part that talked about appreciating the little, daily acts of love more than the giant, headliner acts made me pause. I had never really thought of that before. Once it was mentioned though, it made realize that it’s very true. I think big, noticeable actions are very useful for inspiration and getting attention, but the daily favors and kind words really make the difference in day-to-day life. I sometimes get too focused on wanting to do the big things. I forget how important the little things can be. It is definitely something I am going to personally try and focus on more because I know that they make the world of difference, especially for me.
I agree with the importance of having a set definition of love. I think that if we don’t have a specific definition to go off of we won’t truly know how to love, even according to our own standards. I thought it was interesting when it mentions that righteous people have habits of love because they practice them so often. It inspires me to try to be more intentional about acts of love so much so that they become a habit. I think of all the good and bad habits that I have and none of them are to go out of my way to love others. I don’t think they need to be heroic grand gestures every time either, like Jesus or the guy in Grand Torino. Just to do small little things each day for other people could influence every other aspect of our lives as well.
Like most on this blog, I do also affirm the idea that definition is key with love. In order to truly love those around us, we have to have a good idea of what love, and what being loving actually looks like. I also like the correlation between loving acts and the exemplars that we choose to look to. I think that of the diverse forms of love, one will gravitate towards a certain definition or therefore certain love actions based on the exemplars that they choose to follow. Thankfully as Christians, we have the ultimate exemplar in the person of Jesus Christ. I then wonder if certain loving acts might look different to people of different faiths or people who do not have a faith they identify with.
I completely agree with this blog about defining love and how it is critical to truly loving others around us and ourselves. Individually understanding what it means to love or even how to love is very important. Making that action habitual and genuine is very important as well. I was just reading and responding to something in ethics class with Dr. Bankard that is analogous to this section of the blog. We talked about virtue ethics and a Wright’s model of ethics where love “is a language to be learned, a musical instrument to be practiced (Wright).” The point of Wright was that in order to make loving someone truly genuine we have to go out and make ourselves learn to love. To make the action second nature is the most important.
I love virtue ethics. One. it just makes sense, and two it is the theory that lines up most closely with everything i have learned about how the brain operates. Rational accounts of morality look good on paper, but are extremely problematic in application because people are not rational. I also love the idea of an exemplar. Even if you are not sure about all of the details of what you believe to be right and wrong, you can recognize someone who is doing it right. We don’t need perfectly consistent definitions, even though they are helpful, to recognise and follow an exemplar. Moral judgement is primarily intuitive, not rational, so we can still often recognise someone doing it right even if we cannot verbalise what it means to do right.
I agree we must have a workable definition of what love is and how it functions. Not only must our definition be functional, it must also be practical in the way we can apply it. For those who have virtue as part of their characteristic, they often don’t think about the love that they foster in their own lives. This is something we should all strive to have. We should want love to be a characteristic we should not have to think about. I have found this blog to be helpful in understanding this.
I find it so unfortunate that larger acts of love are celebrated and exalted but the moment-by-moment, smaller actions are often left neglected. I recall when we were talking about the Extra Mile Love Project and what act of love we may do for it, or when watching the movie Pay it Forward, that I felt as though my own small acts of kindness were simply not good enough. I dislike this so much because it is in these small acts of kindness that can change is made. If each one of us loved in our moment-to-moment lives, rather than waiting to complete some grand act that we may never accomplish, think of all the good that could come from that! I certainly admire those who love on a daily basis rather than those who simply act in love once a year, on a set day, for a certain amount of time…and so on. We could all live into our own definitions of love, or actually acquire a set definition, if we practiced love so often that it became habit.
I like that this blog brought up the fact that people who don’t normally love can be a hero just by showing love one day. I don’t think people realize how powerful the act of expressing love can be. Someone can be having an absolutely awful day and then in seconds, it flips around and changes instantly because someone said ‘hi’, or smiled at them for once. Our happiness is so easily dictated by whether or not we feel love and I find it so interesting that we can’t control feeling that way. This blog brought up Gran Torino which is one of my all time favorite movies. Clint Eastwood plays such a racist old man in the beginning and ends up laying down his life for these individuals of Korean descent. The fact that our opinions and they way we were raised can instantly change absolutely astonishes me. It makes me wonder why some individuals find it so hard to be kind and loving to everyone they meet.
Prior to this course, I would not have thought to stress the importance of a defining love so specifically. It has become apparent to me why that is so important. After all, is loving one another not the greatest commandment that God gives us? Why would we, as Christians, not want to gain a better understanding of it? I liked the section about putting yourself in loving situations more often as you will start to make love a habit. I have noticed this in my own life, that it is probably the fastest way someone can correct a bad habit is to surround themselves with the right people. There are many good bits of advice in this post, many of which I am sure come from the experiences of Dr. Oord. It is always uplifting and encouraging hearing these posts and taking away applicable components to implement into my life.
One particular piece from this blog post that I liked was the section about imitation being the ultimate form of flattery. This is something that my mom always told me as I was growing up. As I was little, I always thought people would copy my outfits that I thought were cool. I would come home to my mom and dad complaining about how people were wearing what I was wearing, and I would become infuriated. What I didn’t understand at that age is that when people imitate you, it is extremely flattering. They like whatever you do/wear so much that they want to do it as well. In order to become a better exemplar of love, we should imitate good examples of people that love, in order to become better at it. Instead of someone taking offense to this, people should be flattered that they want to become better at love by going off of their example.
I think that the more we educate on how to love the more exemplars we may have. I think that it can be difficult to make love a habit when our society emphasizes so much on the individual and personal needs. This is another reason why community is important. When you surround yourself with those that you want to be like and those that keep you accountable you can grow more than you could alone. I find that we are exposed a lot at NNU on how to be loving and witness many loving acts during our day to day activities. Unfortunately , this is not how it is everywhere and I would hope as many of us seniors are taking our next step in a few weeks that we challenge ourselves to make love a habit and to truly show others what it means to love.
From over the course of the year, I have now come to believe that Love is a powerful force, and I intend to make love a habit in my life. I will admit, it won’t be easy, especially trying to express love towards those who I know did great wrong intentionally. However, I have seen in my life, through either real life or from books and movies, I have seem excellent exemplars to let me know that Love can be an ultimate answer. It will no doubt not be an easy task, even for others, for our world can be often times complicated. Which is why humankind needs to form bonds. So they can understand love, and know that there is something that gives meaning in life, and it is through that which is come through love.
I think this blog is a perfect example in how the brain plays a part in how we love. I like to think that we love through practice and repetition. I find it interesting that people go over and beyond what it takes to love and would give everything they have just to show kindness. Just as you put, Jesus is the perfect example of an exemplar. Going back to animals, I think when Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is met and animals and people don’t have to fight in order just to survive they get a long better. There’s something in our brains that just makes us want to survive and when that’s taken care of I think being able to love is easier.
Roles models are huge in all stages of life. That is why an exemplar of love can be so powerful. Kids look up to their parents and siblings and want to be like them and sometimes we don’t see how huge of a thing that is. I know that I personally look up my grandpa and the way that he loves my grandma. He has been a great exemplar of how love should look like in my life.
I never expected wanting grow up and be an “exemplar” of love. Yes, I want to be someone who loves well and all the time but to be an exemplar I need to and essentially have to practice how to love almost perfectly. This makes me think of my favorite author, Bob Goff, whom I would consider an exemplar of love. In absolutely everything that he does he puts love first; I know this first hand because I had the privileged of meeting him and I was blown away by love. It is clear that what he talks about in his book is purely truth. Though I do not know the specific sacrifices of being an exemplar of love, I do understand that there is going to be great sacrifice well worth it for God, others and myself.
I think the most interesting part about this blog and what we have talked about in class in response to exemplars is that to be an exemplar people had to practice it. I never really thought about it that way until we talked about it in class. To be an exemplar of love we need to practice daily love and then it will become natural to us. Just like if we were going to learn to ride a bike, we must practice a lot to become good at it. The same goes for love; we mush practice being loving to be an exemplar of love.
Exemplars is one of my favorite words now. Practice of action and community are definitely important in being a loving Christian. When does that need to begin though?
In this blog post I love who you used the saying, practice makes perfect. I think it is very true when it comes to being an exemplar. I think to genuinely love at every moment takes so much practice, practice to be like Christ. I believe the only way to achieve this entirely is to start young. It is very important that we show the children of the world the love of Christ so they can be living examples and carry it out to the rest of the world during their life time. It is a hard thing to do and the later you start in life the more time it is going to take.
I loved the discussion that we had about exemplars both in class this week and then getting to read more about it in this blog post. I definitely think that having exemplars that we can look up to in the church is a vital part of loving a life of love with the definition that we have created in our love course. Of course we have Jesus to look to for this, but I think if we are only looking to him then that can seem somewhat unattainable since Jesus is perfect. If we have earthly examples to look to, then we will more effectively strive to live a life of love. I definitely think that through this course I have grown to have a different perspective of what is means to love and I know that I will strive to be better at loving others in this way.
I like the discussion of love in this context. Personally, I have found much success seeing love as something we learn. I hesitate to equate it to a skill, something someone takes litely or something people compete at, but I think it’s valuable to “practice” love. I have been greatly influenced by people who are constantly in tune with the people around them, recognizing needs, and adjusting to fill them. I hope that I can inspire those around me to love more and that I never stop seeking love.