Receiving Love

I drew often from personal experiences when writing my forthcoming book introducing Open and Relational Theology. In this essay, I talk about how I express receiving love and God does too.

Thank You for that Sermon

In my twenties, I served as an associate pastor in Walla Walla, Washington. (A town so good they named it twice.) I preached occasionally, and the routine was for the day’s preacher to greet people as they left the service. Many in the congregation would express gratitude, “Thank you for that fine sermon, Pastor.” For some, I suspect these words were mere formality. Others said them with sincerity, obviously moved by something I said.

At first, I would respond to these gestures of appreciation with “Oh, it was nothing.” Or “I tried!” Or “Well, I didn’t say everything I thought was important.” I thought humility required deflecting any compliment.  

Those who sincerely thanked me, however, reacted to my deflections in ways that taught me I was not loving them well. Not accepting authentic appreciation robbed them of the opportunity to encourage me. Failure to receive their gifts of gratitude was failure to love in response.

So, I started saying “thank you” to compliments. I was loving in my receiving.

Listening Love

The idea love can receive also played out in my marriage. I discovered I could love Cheryl well by listening intently to her. My open ears and empathetic heart were a gift and became vital to deepening our relationship. I later gave the gift of listening to my children and to others. Receiving can be a form of love.

I must receive from others if I’m to love well. As I acknowledge their contributions, I not only provide them an opportunity to love. I receive information that helps me love well in response. I’m gathering data so that I might more effectively help.

When I’m ignorant of how to love effectively, even actions with good motives can miss the mark. Love might motivate me to give a box of chocolates only to discover the recipient is allergic to chocolate!

Love as receiving—listening, learning, affirming, empathizing, and more—makes me more fruitful in the work of love. Without receiving first, I’m like a lawnmower salesman trying to sell my machines to people living in desert sand.

God’s Receiving Love

This brings me to the relational love of God. As one who receives from creatures and creation, God gives the gifts of listening and empathizing too. Divine receiving validates creatures and their contributions. That’s an act of love.

God also needs to receive creation’s responses to love well in the next moment. God learns so that God can love effectively.

While God’s nature is love, even God depends on relationships to love well each moment.